Saturday, May 27, 2006
Wednesday May 10, 2006
Tomorrow is my birthday, I will be 38 years old. If I was jesus today would be xmas eve... how about that. Maybe I am and maybe it is, somebody should tell me if they know different... So I figure that I MUST be at least half way through my life at this point. I mean, damn, double this and I would be 76. Really, if I reach that, well, enough is enough. I am going to assume that I am on the downward spiral now. So halfway through, that means that 38 years from now, some quiet night, after the senility has worn thin and is no longer amusing, quietly my lovely wife will walk on up to where I am sleeping, she may give me one last kiss, and say goodbye... Then, if she does what I hope she will, the pillow will come down and slowly my life will end, and begin again... Oh, he died in his sleep, they will say... my lovely wife will say that I had had a good day and nothing seemed amiss. I hope she feels good about what she did... no need to tell the kids... yeah... So what should I do with this, the last half of my life? I am going to assume that the second half will be better than the first... kinda making a run to the finish, gonna lean into it, try to come out on top. No need to ramp up, learn the ropes, shit like that. Perhaps a list is in order, yeah, lets see what I can come up with: 1) Go to Mexico 2) Start a new blog (already on that) 3) .... I am no good with lists. "And I was not good with the plans because no one could have planned it like this. But then, the same you might say is true of whoever is responsible for history." So I will most likely continue to trudge through life, wondering if the discontent I often feel is (although of my own making) real enough to other people to be truthful, or am I just being a malcontent. I don't picture myself as a goth, and other people seem to believe that I am an upbeat and happy guy, so what is real? I know that the constant repetition is getting me down. The the same old thing, day after day, is no fulfilling me. I knew what was going to happen yesterday, and I know what is going to happen today, tomorrow, probably, maybe. When things are different I get confused, but even in their difference I know how they are going to turn out. Rarely am I pleasantly suprised. I owe this to having a general lack of suprise left in me. Shock and Awe seem to be missing. I take everything in stride, although I don't always appreciate it... Ahh, and I argue with people in my head. Argue with them all the time. Ex-girlfriends, my wife, sister in law, stranger I will never meet, waiters and waitresses, authorities, the president, the govenor, my parents, my brothers, my brothers friends. I am sure I have argued with you... Hey, that was a list... Ok, so WTF is up with me today? Well, check this out... I had to get up last night, bit after 2am, to take care of some business. Because of the Wellbutrin I have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep so I was a little concerned... I was back in bed around 2:30am and was thinking about how I had an hour and a half before I had to get up. I fell asleep pretty quick as far as I remember... So, I had this dream. It started out so beautiful. I was in bed, the sheets were cool, the comforter was warm and I was comfortable. Very comfortable. I could see myself laying there, in my dream, wife laying beside me, covers were nice and neat, not bunched up... Cozy... then I dreampt the alarm was going off, I had to get up already... I was not ready for this, I was happy where I was, I was still tired, but I knew I had to force myself up. I was SO sad, very emotional, you know how you get in dreams... I remember crying that I had to go through this all over again... And then I actually really woke up, the alarm WAS going off, and I WAS tired, and I really did not want to get up... My dream was carrying over, I still had that super sad feeling, plus reality was dictating that I do what I had dreampt about... does that make sense? It makes for a very frustrating day, very surreal... It put me in a "mood". So I am trying to snap out of it. Trying to turn it all around, find my happy spot... I am still looking... Posted 5/10/2006 at 10:31 AM |
1 Comments
Friday May 5, 2006
Yeah, ok...
Posted 5/5/2006 at 3:4 PM |
Thursday May 4, 2006
Got some good sleep last night, when I finally fell to sleep (asleep)... I figured I would have trouble so I took some melatonin, then a couple advil... oh, had some Kava Kava tincture and a beer... seemed to do the trick... at first... Fell to sleep for an hour then woke up when DNA got home, was awake for a hour or so after that... Seein' as how I have it all figured out I knew I would be tossin' and turnin' for a while and not sleeping, so I got up and watched Monty Python... So anyway, yeah, slept, so much for my nightime routine, fascinating I know... Up and at them this morning, coffee... made a pb&j for lunch... drank coffee... left... hhmmnn.. So there was this crazy insane dude on the bus this morning... He was so crazy that the tranny actually got off the bus at the last stop before the city... so this guy, he was talkin' to himself, arguing a bit... but not all the time... he would sit there all quiet, kinda lookin' around crazy like, then... his hands would FLY into the air, like eagles, soaring on the updrafts... he would shake his head like a mighty lion and jibber-jabber like a mighty warrior from the jibber-jabber tribe... and then he would be quiet... He had 3 bars of soap and a bunch of lotto tickets... and cough drops... Today, the sausage was on the bus, sitting there sleeping, all magnificent and shit... mighty forehead shiny in the dawn... wranglers rolled up just about 3 times... his shoes have velcro straps... I imagine his pudgy fingers can't work the intricacies of over and under and the train through the tunnel... so he gets up to get off the bus at the first stop in the city, which I mentioned is earlier than his usual stop... he is standing right in front of me... I looked up, I could see him glancing at me out of the corner of my eye... he saw me looking he turned a bit more towards me, and bowed his head down... YES!!! he acknowledged me as the mighty Silver Back and his lord and master... my bus dominance is complete... I am the power and the glory in my mighty rolling ecosystem... my daily commute will rock, henceforth... Speaking of insanity... It has come to my attention that drinking many cups of coffee during the day, while taking wellbutrin... well, it ain't good... not good at all... not sure how bad, but, yeah... I found this, which accurately described me yesterday and to some extent, the day before: Limit caffeine (for example, tea, coffee, cola) and chocolate intake. Use with this medicine may cause nervousness, shakiness, rapid heartbeats, and anxiety.... So, Damn, what a delicate ecosystem this is... Taking wellbutrin to stop smoking, if I take wellbutrin to stop smoking I have to stop drinking coffee or I will freak, if I don't drink any coffee I will be dangerously low on the caffeine content and will freak, fuck... So this lonely weekend, I have 3 frozen pizza's in the freezer... I am going to miss my family while they are gone... I miss them while they are here... check this out... So from 4 in the morning, when I get up, till 4:30 in the afternoon, when I get home... I have very little interaction with my family, during the week... I am going to round this off to 60 hours a week... from 4:30 till 9:00 in the evening I get to see my kids... I will call that 25 hours... so during the work week, I spend roughly 2/3's of my time with people that I don't love... That's fucked up... so on a bad week I get to see my wife for a little more than a hour a day... from the time I get home till the time she leaves... lets say 1.25 hrs x 4 days... 5 hours... she is a busy girl... During the week, I am tired, by Friday I am beat... in bed early and sleep in, clear till 6am, what a lazy bastard I am on the weekends... I am tired, the wife is tired cause she has been up all day with the kids and then has to leave when I get home to do her other stuff... I miss her and the things we used to do... which, of course, makes me resent sitting here listening to people talking about the latest episode of Lost or America's top model or some other prime time tv that I know nothing about... So, as I recap, I don't drink (much), don't smoke (3 days straight), don't see my family (enough), resentment reigns supreme, and I will have a lonely weekend to think about all this... Funny (not funny haha): I am not depressed, I am like Mr. Spock, I am seeing these things and logically considering them... it's just that my logic is not always, uh, based in reality... Posted 5/4/2006 at 11:12 AM |
Wednesday May 3, 2006
Oh, Yeah... Dude, I was so hoping to come in today and report triumphantly that I had taken that last smoke, broke it up, stomped on it, pee'd on it and cursed it... but I didn't... I was afraid that I would come in today, all sheepish like, and admit that I had broke down... heh, but I didn't... it was temptin... I easily could have, had myself convinced that it is all about taking baby steps, that slippin' ain't necessarily fallin'... that is would only make 3 for the day, which less than half of normal... it is like there is a little devil inside of me, one of many, actually, but this one is sitting there coming up with schemes on how get in a smoke... reasons to go to the store, places where I may have hidden one in the past, how GREAT it would be... it is also that, the idea of how great it would be... oh, but I know, I know that it actually would not be that great... it isn't a tall drink of cool water... it isn't some quick fix of smack that calms all the screaming nerves... no, it tastes bad, and if anything the rush is over the top... no, it really would not be slipping between cool sheets... Where was I? Oh, so yeah, anyway, that one lone smoke is still in my pocket... I am thinking about being like the princess in Still Life with Woodpecker... gonna hold on to it, look deep into it, keep it around for a while... it is easy... I don't have any fire, and when that little devil in me starts talkin' crap I just say no... I am just turning that yes yes yes into no... So I am light headed, my muscles ache (probably the oxygen they are suddenly getting), periodically I get weird stabbing pains here and there, just for a moment... but between it all, for a moment here or there, I have clarity... it is beautiful... cool blue reason, calm and collected... I remember how good it felt not to be smoking last time... good times, I am looking forward to that... so the clarity, yeah, and the tingling (did I mention I get all tingly), crazy good... Hey, so I get home last night, mind working overtime because of all the crap above (remember) and I somehow just knew what I would be walking into, and sure enough, there it was... The youngest child was crying and crying and crying and crying, and screaming and the other child was plugging her own ears and making strange noises to drown out the screaming and the old lady is doin the discipline thing (timeouts are SO painful) and I was all like FUCK!!!!! It was seriously reverberating in my head... bouncing back and forth, I almost cried... and it wouldn't stop, or it didn't take that long, I have no concept of time... eventually, sometime later, it was all over... oh, yeah, but I seriously thought that I was being tested, or challenged, or tortured... the dude was sending some strife my way to see how I would react... I should have done something erotic, yeah, erotic... got up and done my erotic love dance, undulate and shit... that would have tossed everything up in the air... DUDE, there is like a Million Pound Pork Sale going on at Top Foods... for real.. the ad came in the mail... so you people crying for the animals, imagine this, say they had previously been people, returned as pigs to attone for their evil lives... so they live as pigs and die as pigs, their Karma played out... so this Million Pound Pork Sale is really a Liberation sale... Freeing the masses... On to better things, piggie, and thanks for being so tasty... imagine, that pig I ate could potentially come back and be my best friend in a future life... The cycle continues... I am helping that being advance... one day, that sausage I am eating, could be enlightened... and I had a part in that... I am MIGHTY!!! ***** It is a couple hours later now... the sun has risen and I am sitting here on the edge of my seat... Feel full of dread... anxious and ready to slap someone... can see no joy in the near future... Funny, I can see everyone elses lives spinning around me... at least superficially... and it really doesn't seem to relate... Weird, it all seems to literally be spinning around me, like on strings with me at the center and occasionally one or another of them will bounce off of me... no impact, no mark, boing... sad, really... heh, what a lonely boy, eh? With the family gone this weekend, I am going to meditate on being alone... hopefully I will not be bouncing off the walls... Meditate, eat pizza, master my own domain, have a beer... then in the afternoon... Posted 5/3/2006 at 12:34 PM |
Tuesday May 2, 2006
Wrote a bunch of crap (I gotta stop saying that, it's like telling your wife you bought her a present but its on back order) but it felt, I don't know, self helpy or something... Basically, I have one smoke left and instead of smoking it I am going to assert my dominance over it and break it... may shake my fist and swear at it too... Damn, ok, so this wellbutrin, I enjoy it, and by enjoy I mean it doesn't make me feel bad, and I got energy... but it has some interesting side affects that I have been experiencing... So light is really bright, yo... overpowering at times... yeah.. Also, I get this muscle that twitches on the back of my head, right around where the spinal column starts, starts there and works its way down to my should blades, like a shiver... I am not having seizures... I feel VERY amorous, but don't I always, nevermind... Uh, not sleepy? How you say? Uh, so I went to bed around 9 last night, laid around and must have fallen asleep, kinda... mind was working overtime, not a good thing... so I wake up for real around 12:30, toss and turn trying to get back to sleep, finally got up around sometime or other and had a smoke (dammit) then was back in bed at 2am... fell asleep and had the most fantastical dreams... alarm goes off at 4am and I am up and at them (up and at 'em, say it)... Feel fine for it... so, yeah... interesting being me right now... I can only imagine what my lovely wife is going through... she seems to be taking it in stride, but now that we are completely out it is go time... Hang tough, baby... So yeah, my dreams, some of the images are still hanging on, some of them are just kinda fleeting thoughts... Not even going to try a describe them... 'cause I don't understand them... but they were the complete opposite of the wicked evil thoughts running through my brain when I couldn't sleep... its trippin me out... Yeah, man, they'll never catch me now... I was doing some covert opps the other night, you know, under the cover of darkness, slinkin around, a little low level espionage... heard a car backfire, sounded like a gunshot, I hit the deck, heart was pounding, thoughts racing, I knew as soon as I hit the deck that it wasn't a gunshot, but the adrenaline was pumping... that goddamn cat from next door came up, I always felt sorry for that little bastard, so I broke his neck... picked it up, gently, it was still warm, it would never hurt again, I placed in near the neighbors rear door, hopefully the devil child next door will find it and be traumatized for life, so I kept on creepin', up the rocks, over the fence, through the shrubbery.. yeah, espionage... HOLY SHIT!!! a racoon... Damn, big mother, too... back up slowly, keep your head down, let it feel that it has dominance and there will be no fight... What?!?! over to my left, there was another on, younger... shit, a mother and its baby... don't get between them, don't smell delicious, they will eat anything... back back back... slide it back home... the embassy will have my head for this, they do not accept failure, I am going to have to disappear... will get home, wake the family up, pack up anything we can carry, shred some documents, make some coffe, then torch the place... we will go to Mexico, or Guatemala, become the Rodriquezes... I will be Amaldovar Rodriquez, my wife, Stefania... No, Rita, yes, Rita Rodriquez... the girls will be Lola and Buttercup... we will raise sugar and hogs... I will always be looking over my shoulder, at least I will be eating hog... Posted 5/2/2006 at 11:29 AM |
Monday May 1, 2006
You know you're something special and you look like you're the best... An hour has gone by, but it feels like 3 hours... time is soooo freaky now... it seems like a task, a long, drawn out task that takes no effort but forever to complete... like moving a pile of sand, one grain at a time... full of anticipation, I am... the anticipation is strong in this one... So I had a talk with the head howler monkey that lives in my ass the other day... I was all like, yo, whats the deal, why you gotta come jumpin outta my ass like that and make me look bad... He howled at me a bit (thats what howler monkeys do), flung some poo at me (they also do this) and finally settled down... Seems that they were upset because I had been telling people that they were African monkeys... they are actually South American or "New World" monkeys... I was all like, WTF... thats what this is all about? You randomly jump outta my ass and fling poo just because I was telling people you were from the wrong place?!? That just ain't right... The head monkey, he looked a little sheepish at this and I could tell that there was something on his mind... he was kinda just lookin' at the ground and pickin at his butt and smelling his finger now and then... I was all full of empathy and shit and was all like, hey, spit it out, tell daddy what the problem is... He didn't want to say, but I was persuasive (like I am known to be) and he finally kinda whispers something about being bored and a little homesick and wanting to go home, but they couldn't get there on their own, and they get all upset when they come outta my ass and find that I am still in the same old place, doing the same old thing, and not down around the equator... I was all like, well hey, I didn't tell you to crawl up my butt... He shot back that there was a lot more room in there now that I had pulled the stick out... I smacked him and poo splattered all over the place... He laughed... So Saturday I pulled out like 10 t-shirts from my closet, all with beer and/or other alchohol related stuff on them... That leaves me with 3 or 4 that I could not bear (beer, heh) to part with... Time to freshen up the wardrobe, eh... Some of the shirts in my closet are like 10 years old, and I am still wearing them... ain't that a shame??? DNA has some killer clothes in her side of the closet, I got crap... yeah, in the mood for a cool change... Damn, now that I think of it, even the chirren have some super fancy clothes, they always dress to kill... I still look like the slob I was back in my community college days... Shit, I am on a roll, so much to change, I wonder who I will end up being when I am done... I hope I will be like a combo of Johhny Depp and Nick Cage... or Dave Navarro and Ryan Phillipe... Yeah... Posted 5/1/2006 at 11:21 AM |
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Friday March 31, 2006
So this morning I had these tiny Japanese pearl divers diving down my throat... I have to admire their tenacity, their determination, but ultimately they failed. No pearls, just plenty of oysters... Like little puppies, they would retrieve these oysters and lay them on the back of my tongue, for me to discover and study... "Nope, just another oyster." I would think to myself, and spit it out... you would have thunk there would have been at least ONE stinking pearl in there somewhere... something I could spit into my hand and show to my wife... maybe make a necklace or earing out of it to give to her... Argh... Was gonna forgo the coffee today... not that I drink huge amounts of coffee like I used to... 3 cups during an 8 1/2 hour shift ain't excessive, is it??? So I was all like "SCREW THE COFFEE" and "CLEAR BEVERAGES FOR ME" and "well, maybe a little tea.." and stuff like that... and it was working out pretty good, had my shoes off, was drinkin' tea, the gal that waters the plants came around and sprayed some sort of lavender water mist all over the place, everything was groovy... Was able to argue a little bit about how Nikola Tesla was robbed by Bell... actually was somewhat sociable... had Tender Lumplings running through my head... soft and cool, mellow... yeah... Then the monster reared its head (much like the Tender Lumplings promise could happen)... Maybe not reared, but check this... I was studying up on Logical Fallacies, my favorite being Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc... I was trying to figure if my life at this very moment (right... NOW!) is a Fallacy... Why??? OK, so say I am happy in my life right now, like the way things are, the way they turned out... got a good job, Fabulously Beautiful wife, 2 fancy children (also lovely), shit like that, eh... These things are the result of the path my life has taken, right? Yeah... basically, I could have gotten to where I am at by failing upwards, in theory... but I don't think so... I got is sweet, right, so I think I did something right... Since I cannot imagine anything better (really, lets stop here for a second... I know some of you are about to discount all this as some sort of Voltaire rip off, but it ain't... so on we go) ...so since I cannot imagine anything better I can not think of anything I should have done differently that would have resulted in that "better" that I cannot imagine... So, assuming I am currently perfect, in a perfect life, with a fine ass wife, and a fancy ass kids, and a job and stuff, then that would mean that the path I took was the right one... right? So the end result proves the path... WTF!?!?!? For real... I am all like, what the hell was in my coffee... I mean, that all came right off the top of my head... not like I sat here and developed this idea over long periods of deep introspection... and I question myself on it... you wanna know why??? Ok, so say I am perfect now... I can use that to overcome all my past... really, so if I was a bad boyfriend in the past, or had failed relationships, or puked down the side of my buddies truck after drinking too much, it is all good, cause look where it got me... I was doing the RIGHT thing, my current situation proves my past... HEH... Yeah... Good now means good then, the present proves the past... heh.... Ok, before I get a headache... Wanna hear some funny things I have said at the place where I spend all my time? There was a problem, and the Developer I was talking to said it was because we were appending only 2 digits to the timestamp on emails coming in and it is possible that since we were only using 2 randomly generated numbers that occasionally the same randomly generated # could be generated for 2 emails coming in at the same time... I told him we should do something about this... I suggested, get this, that we add a 16 bit hexadecimal alpha-numeric code... HEH... how redundent... DAMN!!! and this other time, I asked this same developer to write me some code to change unconfirmed contacts that should actually be confirmed contacts to confirmed contacts... he said he would get right to it... I told him he should probably right it in BASIC!!!! for real... then I coded it for him... 10 if confirmed=0 then goto 20 20 make confirmed=1 goto 30 30 end HAHAHAHAAAAAA... that would mess EVERYTHING up... should be: 20 make contactro.confirmed=1 goto 30... HAHAHA... Then one time I was in a group, talking to some product development dudes about this thingy they were building and hey asked if there were any questions, and I was all like "are we going to support Firefox in this build?" They looked at me like I was INSANE... this was NOT a webbased product.. SNAP!!! and then this one time, I was talking with a developer, and we were talking about making a tool that would allow admins to undelete users on their own and the dev dude wanted to know what to default the password to on an undelete... I told him to make it redhook... He was all like no, need more than one password, so between the 2 of us we came up with a list of 2000 random passwords made up entirely of beer and liquor brands... HA!!! AHHH, good times... Posted 3/31/2006 at 4:40 PM |
Thursday March 30, 2006
Yyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrghghgghhhhhhhhhhh... a big ol' crawlin out of a sleeping back on the hard earth on a cold morning having to pee really bad and having a coffee headache kinda yyyyeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaarrrrrghghghghgh... As the bible apparently give me free reign to have several wives and/or concubines I have decided to add Neko to the stable. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIW69l-iT0o&search=neko%20case ********** Oh, speaking of Bears... I was talkin to this dude yesterday and he asked me if I had been losing weight... which was kinda weird cause this other guy called me slim the day before... I don't feel slim or svelte or whatever, and I am not suffering from low self esteem at the moment... I am just not what I would call taut... but then I started looking around and noticed all the pregnant men around here... not really the dudes in my immediate prescence, but some of the dudes around here could set a beer on their bellies and walk around without it tippin over... I am not shittin you, they literally look like they are pregnant... it is probably the evnironment, all of us sittin on our asses all day... although perhaps I have dropped a few pounds, been doin some crunches, you know... Oh, and the bear I mentioned above, he is a big dude, but he wears it well, he isn't one of the fella's I was talkin about... Heh, funny story, kinda... the bear was helpin his ex move the other day, and he was talkin about these straps that he has... and we were all like., ooohhh... and he was all like, you know, tie down straps, and we were all like, yeah, thats what we thought you meant... and he gave us that look... anyhow, he was all like, well, you will love this then, we were strappin down a "QUEEN" size bed... heh... gay dudes bed, queen size... get it... hah....
Posted 3/30/2006 at 12:31 PM |
Tuesday March 28, 2006
Ok, so you remember how I kicked death in the balls the other day? Was on deaths door and somehow centered my CHI and focused my dragon ball power and shot beams of light out my eyes to defeat death? Remember that? Yeah, so... a couple days later I get this knock on the door of my soul... It was Deaths little cousin, phlegm... He was all like, "hey, can I crash on your couch for a couple days, need a place to chill, how about it????" I just laughed it off and he came on it... Well, apparently my couch is everything above my jawline... he has moved all his shit in, spread out and is making a general nuisance of himself... A little stuffy nose ain't bad, like company from out of town stayin just a couple days... but phlegm is gettin on my nerves... I'm all like, "Hey, any plans on getting out of here? Gettin yourself a job and your OWN place to stay? No, really... whenever you get around to it"... but then he is like takin the last of anything I wanted out of the fridge, you know what I mean... I was all like "Hey, I was gonna breath out my nose and now I can't. What the Hell?" and he just kinda shrugs like, I'm sorry, but not really, actually, screw you... you said I could come in and I didn't see your name on it... it wasn't that good anyway...
..of Demons...  Mr. Seattle will not die... Brief list of complaints against him: 1) DNA's ex (come on, that was 11 years ago) 2) He scats... 3) Big ass 'fro, beyone acceptable funk levels... 4) Called DNA on Valentines day, you may remember, just a coincidence 5) Emailed DNA on her Birthday, another coincidence? Hhhmmnnn.... 6) He ain't funny... not really... 7) Etc., etc., etc., and so on... So, I challenged him to a dance off... in my mind... since I have no match for his scat skills, my hair is short, no funk there... I am funny, he ain't... so we dance... I have already run through this, practiced in my mind, visualization technique I learned from one of the great masters... picture Napolean Dynamite naked... ok, now back to me... picture me naked... yeah... yeah... a little bit more... ok, now back to the dancing... I will do some of the pop and lock I learned from Darren... some of that Brazillian dance fighting (Capoeira) and maybe pull out some other break dance fighting... I will shame him in front of his hometown crowd and finally, FINALLY I will be able to lay this demon to rest... or maybe he will just move to NY, get that fox or UPN sitcom deal in L.A. or comedy central special and I will be forever shamed... Just for reference, this particular demon of mine falls between poopin in a public restroom and running into crazy readheaded exgirlfriends on the demon scale... actually, just below accidentally eating chicken... so crazy ex, chicken, mr. seattle, poopin in public and getting caught smoking by my mom... hold it, ok, so crazy ex, mom catchin me smokin, accidentally eating chicken, mr. seattle, poopin in public... Posted 3/28/2006 at 11:54 AM |
1 Comments
Monday March 27, 2006
Today, my life is a musical (for some reason)... P.S. The laptop is slated for delivery TODAY... my life is about to get SOOO much better... nothing like shiny technology to set your life straight... P.S.S. The first somewhat quarterly bowling tournament ran over the weekend, straights vs. homos (and they weren't even bears) and in a stunning upset, the homos won... so much for limp wrists... Dammit... I was even outbowled by a 10 year old... damn you (unable to spell name)... Posted 3/27/2006 at 10:15 AM |
1 Comments
Friday March 24, 2006
Thats right, kicked death in the balls... I am still alive and kicking... Whew... That was a close one though... Feel full of piss and vinegar now... mind is working, body is responding nicely, hair is soft and manageable... I even smell good (come on over and take a whiff...) So many things to do... Supplies, need supplies... Laptop is on its way... need to get a voltage converter for the car to charge the laptop and run it while the girls watch widescreen movies on the 15.4" screen... Need a dealy bob to hang the laptop in between the seats, again so the girls can watch crystal clear high definition movies on the laptops wide screen... did I mention it is wireless? yeah... Goin to Long Beach (WA) for the anniversay with the wife... have decided NOT to pull anything out of my butt (was a figure of speach anyhow, people)... will make reservations at The Ark (we ate their on our honeymoon... gotta get the kite ready... uhh, shoot, must be more than that... wanna treat the wife like a real lady... gotta remember how that is done... after 10 years it seems that you stop trying to impress that special someone, you know how it is? Those first few months, before you have a future together, when you are working stuff out... what not to say, what makes the other one laugh, how to get along... Then the first couple years after you are married, its just the two of you, you get into the groove and used to being a couple anticipating being together forever... Now, 10 years later, and you have been together forever... you know how to make the other one laugh, but don't do it so much anymore... you know what not to say... but you seem to say it anyway (at times)... you have gotten into the groove, and it is a deep and easy river to float... things are good, easy to anticipate, comfortable... We have this picture, sitting around somewhere, not sure who took it... but we are both in it... I gots my flannel on, she has long hair... she is kinda twisted around, looking at me and has the most beautiful smile... and I swear, when I see that smile in the picture it is like she is fascinated by me... like she adores me... and it makes my heart leap... That is the moment I am gonna shoot for... Oh, sure, she digs me now... likes my husbandry and the way I father the chirren... appreciates the housework and stuff... didn't get too full of displeasure at me whilst I was on deaths door... But I want us to run with the bulls again... you know what I mean... grab that shooting star... ride the lightening... get back to the nitty gritty... yeah... But, Ahhh, I am thinking too hard... the sun is shining in the window and I am really just trying to transport myself to my happy place... The coffee starts to wear off and my something something starts to fail... I start to question what my motivation is... then the wild monkeys start flying outta my ass, you know what I mean... but I feel the need to post... so here we are... it appears we are at an impasse... Posted 3/24/2006 at 1:25 PM |
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Wednesday March 22, 2006
Treys deathwatch, day 3... I am still dying. I am sure of it now. I will describe it in full detail now... Ok, so I may have Spinal Meningitis... cause my spine is sore (painful, really) from deep in my skull to somewhere deep in my pelvis (and they both have spine in them)... my head feels both big and light and small and heavy at the same time... like a balloon with a bit of water in it then blown up some... you know, so when you shake it around there is both a heavy part and a big empty part... it feels like it wants to loll around and float away at the same time... the river of snot rolling lazily down the back of my throat is much like the mighty Mississippi, too wide to throw a stone across and deep enough to drown a litter of So I calls in sick... cause I feel horrible (see above) and the guilt is horrendous... I feel like I have let everyone down (sorry Stremickses)... I am not sure what the guilt really is... but, randomly: 1) My dear dad always used to say that if you are sick you might as well go to work and get paid for being sick, the expectation being that nothing should keep you from going in... 2) Don't want my wife to be disappointed in me for staying home again... like she married a big puss and now she is going to be reminded of it all day because he will be sitting around all day like a big baby... 3) People at the place I spend all my time will be in a bind without me there... I know this is probably all pretty silly, perhaps... it is all probably just me... afterall, it isn't really that busy at that one place, and I have like 80 hours worth of sick time built up, etc... my wife will probably still love me (unless this is the last straw) and my dad is borderline crazy anyhow (although I understand the point he was trying to make)... but still, the guilt piles up on the potential death and I feel (now) both physically and mentally poor... Oh, the dreams, yeah, the dreams have been vivid... really strange... Drempt last night that I had sex with 3 different women... 1 being my wife (imagine the scene from Superman where he marries Lois Lane and they do it in the Crystal Palace... you imagine that it would be cold, but it was actually quite cozy and warm and wildly fantastic being surrounded by these shiny glowing crystals)... the 2nd being an ex from way back, in the bathroom of a haunted farm house (I know it was a farmhouse because just before that I had argued with my brother about how hard can it actually be to harvest a field of corn)... it was funny, in my dream I remember knowing that there was some sort of connection between me and the ex, but also wondering why she was not more attractive... WTF was I thinking, eh?... and the 3rd one was Christy Swanson, the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer... she was my girlfriend... This dude had been shooting at me with a 50 caliber machine gun, but I got away when she picked me up... we were on the rocks, but somehow being shot at brought us closer together... and we did it behind the counter in some museum... none of these dreams were really graphic or leave me feeling wistful, except for the Crystal Palace one... that one rocked... just a series of events meant to move the storyline along... except the Crystal Palace one... that one was pretty much just that me and the Mrs. were going to Supermans Crystal Palace to do it... that was the plot... hhmmnn... So, seeing as how I am dying, here are my last instructions... Do Not Resuscitate... For real... if it takes more than a couple days to bring me out of it, and shooting me full of cocaine or morphine doesn't have any affect, just pull the tube... don't try to keep me alive with any extraordinary means... feel free to smother me with a pillow (or perhaps overdose me with something... no fecal matter, dammit... something fun)... When I am finally dead, seeing as I don't really have an estate to divvy up, here is what ya'll will get from me... heh, ME... thats right... take me down to the furnace and cremate the shit out of me... gather up the ashes and give everyone a little bit... ya'll get to decide, individually, where to sprinkle me... ocean, gutter, urinal in a bar, whatever... I want to be well traveled after I die... would like to have a little bit of me all over the place... don't worry about the someplace you are at not being a fitting place for someones remains... wherever you feel like dumping me will be fine... but definitely dump me somewhere, don't hold on to me while you try to decide... just let them go... it's all good... Damn, I really do feel like shit right now... someone please believe me... p.s. Someone out there is probably thinking to themselves (or saying to their significant other) "why doesn't he go to the doctor then?" or something like that... Well screw you... I tell you what... I have been to the doctor in the past when I wasn't feeling well, payed them to see me, and basically they look at me for like 2 minutes and say, "yep, you are sick" and then go on about how there is nothing they can do about it, everyone is sick, just ride it out, drink plenty of fluids, we don't like to give antibiotics for things like this, etc... So I am gonna skip the whole doctor thing until I really have to... like if my foot falls off or I am in a coma or something... Posted 3/22/2006 at 1:9 PM |
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Tuesday March 21, 2006
I fear I have become a burden to society at this point. Surely I am dying... I have heard it would be like this... There comes a point, when you have become used to the sickness, where you reach the "eye of the hurricane" so to speak... Still sick and dying, but everything is calm... I know it is still there, the sick... I can feel it running down my throat, I am dizzy, I am confused and paranoid... I fear that I am not really so bad, so very sick, and most normal people would be able to tough it out, do all the normal things... I also fear that I am tougher than everyone else, and what I am feeling would put normal people in the hospital, that I am somehow the walking dead if the authorities knew about me they would send people with tranquilizer darts and stun guns to subdue me and put me where I belong... I tried to take my temperature yesterday... tried to use the digital thermometer, but after several minutes it beeped at me and said I had a temperature of 95.6... that's low, isn't it? Then it went dead... So I tried the old fashion thermometer, stuck it under my tongue and started wondering if it was a rectal thermometer... pretty sure it wasn't... so this one also said I was around 95 degrees... what does it mean when your temp is below normal??? Deaths doorstep, thats what... So I slept most of the day... the best part of being sick... So I had this dream, where I was at work... I was really sleepy so I went in the other room to lay down... So I slept, then woke up... it was freaky, seemed like I was in my own bed and I had woke up from my dream... but I couldn't move, oh well, so I slept some more... I woke up again, still in my own bed, but couldn't move... tried to move my arms, my legs, my head, nothing would move... so I dozed off again... I woke up again... couldn't move, was a little concerned, but went back to sleep... I woke up again... didn't feel tired and was sure that I had woken up and was lying in my own bed... I still couldn't move... I tried everything, strained to lift my head, to roll over... move my arms to push myself up... nothing... this was really freaking me out... I tried and tried and nothing would happen... I started screaming for someone to find me... but I couldn't tell if I was actually making any noise... I realized that someone had poisoned me... someone tried to put me down or something.... I tried everything but was all alone and shit... So I decided that I would either have to ride it out and wait for someone to find me (shit, they will have to call an ambulance) or use my brain to figure out what happened and how to overcome it... I started thinking about what was going on and somehow knew what was going on outside the room... blah, blah, blah... I finally REALLY woke up... I was in the same place I dreamed I was, my own bed and I tried to move and was finally able to... it was so strange, waking up and being where I had been dreaming I was, exact same view when I opened my eyes, but was really awake and could move and shit.... I am still a little freaked out... So, as the deathwatch continues here at home, I am hoping that the lovely Mrs. will not be too disappointed in me being here when she gets up... I am hoping that a hot shower will clear all the sinus passages and I won't have a 100kg head any longer... I am tired of sleeping, my back is sore from being in bed so much, but I imagine I will end up in bed for many hours today... Posted 3/21/2006 at 10:20 AM |
Monday March 20, 2006
see, he's sick as a dog right now... well, maybe not a dog... how sick to dogs really get? It's not like I ate a bunch of grass or something and I am now sitting beneath a tree retching and barfing and stuff... Naw... got one of those Human type ailments (heh, almost said alements... that must be when you drink too much, eh)... Throat is on fire, post nasal drip (more of a steady stream), my head feels like it is 100kgs heavier than usual and I am having trouble keeping it up (my head, people...). Called in sick to that place where I spend all my time. Feel guilty about it, but hell, I have like 2 weeks of sick time built up, and I really shouldn't feel any guiltier than I would if I called a friend up and canceled plans, should I? So I am dosing up on things to make myself feel better... Coffee, percodan, Airborne and may take some nasal decongestant stuff (pseudoephadrine)... I figure the combination of things will either kill me (thus end the pain) or make me feel better for a while, if not make me well... Actually all I need is time... what they need to do is make something that makes time move faster so you can just ride it out quickly... Anywho... my lovely wife gave me the go ahead and I ordered up my laptop this morning... I am soooo excited. Found a coupon online for $300 off, which is better than the promotion I was going to take with $200 off... So I ended up having to add stuff to the computer to take it up to $999 in order to take $300 off which allows me to spend less than the original promotion... go figure... I have already invented a million things that the laptop will be handy for... things that I have never really needed to do, but have obviously been missing from my life... The laptop is fully justified and the pope has blessed in on high... Our anniversary is coming up... We are going to Longbeach for a couple days... Friend of the old lady has a cabin out there and lets people use it... Will cost us like $50, just to cover cleaning and stuff... So the plan was to take off on thursday the 13th (our special day) with the kids and stay overnight thursday and friday, come back on saturday... So I was telling my mom about this and she's all like "are you taking the kids?" and I was all like "yeah" and she was all like, "Why don't you leave them here, I will watch them" and I was all like "REALLY?!?", and she got this look on her face, just for a second, like, Oh shit, what did I just do... but by then it was too late... I was all like "Yeah, they are all yours, you promised, can't back out now..." So apparently me and the mrs. will have a couple days all to ourselves at the beach in the spring... I am hoping for either beautiful weather and a bonfire, or the queen mother of all storms... ah yeah... I am hoping to pull something special out of my ass to show the old lady how much I care... Like I don't let her know enough as it is... hmmnnn Posted 3/20/2006 at 1:31 PM |
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Friday March 17, 2006
This HERE is the laptop I am wanting to get. Here's the deal... I have qualified for credit through Dell. They have been gracious enough to give me a $7000 limit... at 19.4%...
Posted 3/17/2006 at 2:2 PM |
Friday March 17, 2006
OK, a couple updates on the party, which looks like it is going to turn into a festival... 1) We need to get some sort of artist type people to come and do art... not like them fuckers who airbrush flowers on the ladies boobs... more like some hippies doing some Henna designs... super sexy that... lets see, uh... hot dog vendors, yeah, they are like artists... Jamba Juice... hippy kinda anti-corporate people... Oh, and some dude, or chick, someone that can make us some coffee from those beans that were eaten by squirrels or something then dug out of their poop and roasted... supposed to be very good... 2) The receptionist can still come, but not the facilities guy... you know who I am talking about... I guess IT/helpdesk people are not welcome either... 3) There have been some requests for some more bands... thus the need for a festival... so we will add: Tears for Fears, Duran Duran, Dub Narcotic Sound System (or just Kelvin and his posse), the blow, The Drop, BILLY IDOL... Damn, how did we forget Billy Idol... Fella's, you better watch your ladies when HE is around... he may be like 200 years old, but he is sex on wheels... 4) Some of the other tweaks to the invite list... Not sure if we really want some of those people we don't really like anymore... Sure, everyone will be loved, but do you really want to keep bumping into someone you really don't want to love anymore... and be harrassed by your significant other about the unibrow or some other flaw that you hadn't noticed... so... use your best judgement... Oh, our parents, don't invite them... Why? Well, I for one don't: A) want to be running around naked in front of my parents and B) want to catch my dad smokin a doobie (again)... not that there is anything wrong with it... but damn, thats not the stuff to share with your parents... Need further motivation? Do you really want to see me (naked) standing there talkin to your mom and dad (naked) in the noonday sun? I didn't think so... Oh, okay... so the STARS: for the ladies, I will make sure to bring in Jake Gylinhallmanjensen, Jack Black (you know you find him attractive), the dude from Harry Potter, whats his name, the bad cop in Crash... Matt Dillon, yeah, oh, and the good Cop, whats his name??? but he has to bring his wife too... Lets, see... you ladies can ping me with more... For the Fella's... you know Ms. Ricci is gonna be there... Jakes sister Maggie... Farah Fawcett... Oh, Dave Navarro and his old lady (yeah, for the fellas)... the gal that does the sports on King5... Lisa Pottsmith (she's that girl that was a grade ahead of me in junior high... everyone used to stare at her in gym... even the teachers...) Damn, so many plans, so much to do... so little time... Posted 3/17/2006 at 10:44 AM |
Thursday March 16, 2006
1) This party, I forgot a couple things... In the morning, before the sun comes up, since it will be so friggin' hot, we will turn the sprinklers on again (they must be off for this to work, eh) and just as the sun is cresting the hills the gentle strains of White Rabbit will begin, and we will dance in the sprinklers in the dawn... may have to play it a couple times... then Tangerine (Led Zepplin)... then... then... uhhhh... 2) When we take off in the Van, after the party... See, we will be travelin' in style... the van itself is gonna cost like $52,000 (deluxe)... Part of this cost is gonna be a heavy duty trailer hitch... "WTF??? Why is he going on about a trailer hitch!" Chill... I'm getting there... sooo, the trailer hitch will be for pullin our Airstream... Hey Baby... We gonna live in a trailer... yeah... 3) Thinkin' about having some private parties also... What you gonna do to get on the guest list? There may be nudity involved... mine at least... ya'll can strip down to whatever level of naked you are comfortable with... 4) On a different note... I am thinking about starting a new religion... This religion will involve people having sex with me... anyone that refuses to have sex with me will be accused of religious intolerance and may get sued... unless we can come to a settlement... Of course, in this alternate universe my old lady will not mind me having sex with other people, because in this bizarro world my having sex with other people will only prove my devotion to her... and "everyone" will only really consiste of a few people (Helloooo, Ms. Ricci)... and I will have a body to die for... and a chin... 5) Lastly... Someone give me a reason not to order a laptop? I am like this close to just ordering one up from somewhere, maybe get some sort of credit payment thing going... The way I see it there are more reasons to go ahead and get one than there are not to... such as: I want one, they are cool, can be online while the girls are tying up the desktop, when we go on road trips we could look up directions, download our photos, listen to mp3's, etc... PLUS... it would really be a present for my old lady... On the Negative side... well, hell, I can't think of any... Somebody stop me... 6) Speaking of my old lady... I have been thinking lately... You know what? I have the biggest crush on her... remember back in the day, when there was that special someone that you wanted to be with, thought was really cute, and funny and they made you nervous and stuff? Yeah, thats my old lady... Top to bottom she really turns my crank... Her body drives me nuts... fantastic curves, just right here and just right there... when she is sitting at the piano I stare at her from different angles... damn thats fine... Her smile... whoa... when she smiles my heart jumps... I can't help smiling back at her... when she laughs... oohhh, her laugh makes me so happy... like a bucket of water poured all over me (warm water)... I love to listen to her stories, listen to her play the piano, read to the kids... and like a crush, I want to impress her... I want to make her smile and laugh and pick up heavy objects to show her how fit I am... all that stuff... damn, she gives me the rosiest thoughts... what a perfect girl... 7) My buddy, he is a BEAR (as in big and hairy and gay) and he just did modeling gig... you can see it here... Posted 3/16/2006 at 11:35 AM |
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Wednesday March 15, 2006
OK, so I got it figured that if I win the Lottery one day (a big one, not one of the dinky $1,000,000 ones) I am gonna throw a big ass party... Its gonna be a barn party, yo... Thinking of calling it "Vice is Nice" or "Back it up Ladies" or something... Not sure of that... Anywho... Big party, bands, drinks, things... yeah.. So the Bands... Figure we will have Neko Case, the Decemberists, the Lemonheads (really) and Mark Mulcahy... it will be beautiful... Can you imagine getting Neko Case and Colin Meloy on stage together... I will probably die at that point... I am still working on the order of performance... figure Neko and Colin will end the night... Should probably start with the lemonheads... move into Mark Mulcahy, then the Decemberists and then Neko... So it will be in the Barn... it will be very casual.. couches spread about... tables with watermelon punch (gotta stay hidrated) and munchies... gonna need the munchies 'cause there will be marihuana cigarettes all over the place... and Gin & tonics... and Mint Juleps... the place is gonna be jumpin... We will invite all our friends (we being ya'll, my friends... so my friends friends, eh?).. even the friends we have lost touch with but regret losing touch with even though you and I both know things like that end... people change... but at this party, it will be like we are at the peak of our friendship, everything will be cool man... and we will invite people we don't especially like, 'cause this night will open our eyes and we will love everyone... and the receptionist... 'cause the receptionist is always freaky... So we will mingle about, kids all over the place... Dude, we gotta cover each other, you know... don't want the kids catchin their parents tokin on a doobie... not that there is anything wrong with it, but damn, not in front of the kids... so I will run interference for you and you block for me... I got your back... And it is gonna be in August... friggin hot ass August night... stiflin' hot... before you get there you are gonna wonder what the hell I was thinking holdin' this event on such a hot and sweaty night... you may even wonder if you really want to go... you know you do... and I got you covered... In the barn is will be nice and cool, people will be happy... at around noon the day of the party the first band will start... they will be out in the field behind the barn beneath a blue tarp... we hate this band and they will die from the heat and noone will see it because the party doesn't start for hours... they will be crispy little nuggets by the time anyone notices them... they will be the ritualistic sacrifice to assure the success of the party... I am taking nominations for this band... I was gonna nominate Maktub, but the problem with that is that Mr. Seattle just won't die... Anywho... the party will start, we will start grooving with the doobage, wonder why we smoked so much when it is SOOO hot out, so we will start eating the watermellon and drinking frosty beverages... by the time Mark Mulcahy gets done we will be in a toasty groove and wonder why such beauty had to end and wish we could go back and enjoy him again... then we will all fall in love with Colin as the Decemberists play and each song will be our favorite (I can't believe they played the bagmans lament)... then Neko will get up on stage and we will be in rapture... damn, she is even hotter in person... and then she will start singing and we will sink into her voice and fall off the cliff at the end of each song... by the time she gets done and her and Colin have done the encore we will be in a state of bliss, for real.. and it is sooo hot, and we are all sticky with the heat and the night should never end... and I have a suprise for you... how about a little relief from the heat? I will turn the sprinklers on and we will all run through the sprinklers in the moonlight, laughing and happy and enjoying ourselves... holy moley... nipples everywhere... thats all right ladies, you can leave you sticky clingy shirts on... or take them off, yeah... and I will walk around making sure everyone is still doing good... I will find Neko and tell her I love her, but not in a romantic kinda way, but can I have a hug anyhow... And over on the hill, overlooking it all, we can lay out under the stars to sleep, or you can crash in the barn, the loft is awful nice, gets hot in the morning when the sun comes up, you were warned... Now in the morning... well, I am not really sure I am gonna be full of that lovin' feeling anymore, hell, I may not have actually slept all night... So I don't know how hospitibal I am gonna be... so just ignore me... make yourself to home.. I am thinking that we should get some sausage and bacon and other misc pork products on... gets some protein in us... some nice iced coffee, tea or something... hash browns, et al. come and go as you please... there may be a second night happening... thinking about ratcheting it up a couple notches for the second night... Rock out with the cock out, so to speak... Old school rules, butt rock, yeah.. I'll get KIX to reunite and come on over... Damn, dude... Iron Maiden? Do we dare?? Naw... How about Tenacious D, yeah, good times... Mudhoney, yeah... I will take some suggestions... We will rock out and burn out whatever energy we had left or were able to build up during the day... Yo, bonfire over in the field, we will use the remains of the band we sacrificed as firewood... yeah, its still hot out, but you gotta have a bonfire... we will throw all sorts of shit on the fire, hell, those friends we invited but don't really like anymore... throw them on... now we remember why we didn't hang with them anymore (dammit, I was kidding when I called you a bitch, get over it)... You know where I will be much of the time, over in the Van... I bought a van with some of my winnings... captains seats, king size bed in the back... Me and my old lady and the chirrens are gonna be takin' off... would ya'll mind cleaning up a bit before you leave? Like my daddy used to say, leave it cleaner than you found it.... feel free to come back from time to time... you can crash in the barn and stuff... Posted 3/15/2006 at 11:16 AM |
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Tuesday March 14, 2006
Not sure what brought this on, but thought I would share it with you... I was thinking about the devil (not the little girl next door, although she is EVIL) and how it is a good thing I did not meet him at the crossroads when I was young... I was thinking off the wishes that I had made when I was little, and today I do not see where they would be benefitting me... 1) I had wished I could fly, really fly... but this was just so I didn't have to run away from the mean dudes that wanted to beat me up... I would just jump into the air and fly away home or wherever else I felt... I WAS concerned at the time about being so high up in the air, but it would have been worth it... Today, eh... nothing to run away from, nowhere to fly to, no grand superman plans on saving the world... 2) I wished I was a vampire... For real... I would lay there in bed, like the people in the movies, like I was in a coffin, and wait for a vampire to come in the window and bite me and make me one of them... Yeah, living for the night... strong and scary and able to fly (again with the flying)... wouldn't have to worry about school, could start a brand new life with people just like me... Today, eh... very few benefits I can think of... 3) Heh, I used to wish my REAL parents would come knocking on the door, my real and RICH parents... they had been looking for me, wanted to take me someplace warm and beachlike, private tutors, soft beds, happy-happy... you know the deal... I had it down... they would come and knock on the door and the people I had been living with would just hand me over as they had been waiting for this to happen... buh-bye... yeah... Doesn't sound so good now... and I would have just been spoiled anyhow... who needs that... 4) Oh, yes, the invisibility... turn invisible at will... you know... sneak into the girls locker room... look over peoples shoulders and get safe combinations... test scores.. or just hide... the mean dudes would just walk on by me, not even knowing that I was there... Actually, that might still be fun... but you know... being able to see anyone you want naked would probably get old... the thrill is in not being used to it... random occasional glimpses... I would be jaded... 5) Ok, the biggee... Mind Reading... yeah... Strange... I always felt like most people had no real thoughts.. didn't think, didn't have active minds... I used to wish that I could still my mind, to be more like other poeple, kinda brain dead... wanted to be able to crawl into their minds and figure out WTF they were thinking or not thinking about... how could they be such idiots... so cold, so unfeeling... It kinda morphed into wanting to understand... I wanted to understand where people were coming from, how their thought process worked to get them to a decission... see if what they said was the same as what they meant, or at least what I understood... Now... now... no, it wouldn't be a good thing... I would still like the benevolent part or it... but I know myself, I wouldn't be good... I wouldn't look into peoples minds and go to the soft and fuzzy part, the part that makes them happy... I would be going to the dark recesses... the place where you hide your secrets, your embarassments, the stuff you don't want people to know and would never ever talk to anyone about... the parts you don't admit exist... I wouldn't be looking for ways to love you more... I would be looking for the stuff that would make me not like you... and I don't want that kind of power... **** So, I have thought about this wishing thing... tried to think of how I would trick the devil so I would come out ahead... What WOULD I wish for now? Winning Lottery #'s? Better Job? Not have to work? Shoot, I don't know... I mean, right this moment, I would wish for more Funyuns... or for the day to go faster... or a laptop... but do I really want to waste a wish on something like that? I wish my wife felt better. I wish I could be playing with my kids right now... wish it was warmer... damn wishes... HEY.. did I mention I stuck a q-tip in my ear again this morning? Tried to have a moment like I did the other day... like sticking the q-tip in my ear is like plugging something in... Well, it ain't... but I did have a moment realizing that I was not having a moment... go figure... Posted 3/14/2006 at 11:45 AM |
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Wednesday March 8, 2006
So, check this out... I was doing my daily ablutions this morning, culminating in the swabbing of the ears with a q-tip... for a moment there I was just standing, twisting the swab around and around... it felt so good, somehow it gave me a all over feeling of contentment... I thought to myself how sweet it would be to just stand there all day with the q-tip in my ear, content... then my evil side took over and said, damn, what if this is the best part of your day, the best moment of your day... what if it doesn't get any better from there... I thought about this for a moment or two... So far I have told this story to 2 people... the first person went on about nothing of any consequence... basically confirmed the beliefs of my evil side (sidebar: Am I evil, yes I am... My mother was a witch, she was burned alive...)... So the second person I told this to, he blew my mind... He said that I was right on, that I recognized that moment, that it really was a moment of awareness and I just lived in it... shouldn't have let the dark side in... What he said is what I really want to believe... that if I recognize the moments of my life, eventually I will be able to string them together, the moments will get closer and closer together, the awareness will be more prevelant... This is a concern (concern in a good way) of mine because I feel like I spend too much of my time trying to escape from the moment, trying to rush time along, not to get anywhere, but away from here... Does that make sense... I spend so much time living within myself that I am not letting the outside in... letting the inside of my try to dictate the outside instead of letting the outside in and dictate what happens next... Fighting to be outside the box instead of letting the outside the box in... which is really where it is at... I remember telling someone once that you can't find yourself alone, that we are defined by everyone and everything else... I am sure I spoke a lot of other crap at the time, but I still believe that... Damn, I am getting deep, but I can see it out there, you know... like sitting on the bus a few weeks ago, just sitting... I was in that moment... Funny how holistic everything appears to be... the book I am reading speaks about a lot of this (about how we got away from ourselves) and somehow it is reinforcing many of my beliefs... Like how TV is a crutch to distract us from our real lives... the food we eat and drinks we drink, why do we? is it the shiny red package, the ads we saw, the FDA approved chemicals that our bodies end up craving??? When we feel like we don't add up... who's terms are we not adding up to? GOD I am such a hippie... Back to San Francisco with me... Posted 3/8/2006 at 11:1 AM |
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Tuesday March 7, 2006
Feeling much better today... nerves not a jangling, no wicked dreams last night, no 100lb laptop to trundle home tonight... yes, things are looking up... So, this fine fox I am living with... tomorrow is her b-day... Yeah!!! She is gonna be in her mid-30's... ain't that a trip... What tweaks me out is very random, but thats how I roll, so lets do it... So here I am, with the same fine fox for over 10 years... it seems like forever, but in a good way, you know... So, she is still gorgeous, right, and the funny thing is that when I was younger, say in the teens, I could not imagine anyone in their 30's being appealing... But she certainly is appealing... How she has put up with me for this long is a testament to her saintliness... Seriously, she rocks... She gots skills... watching her hands flying across the piano amazes me. The way she answers the phone when it rings, amazing... if it weren't for her I would be eating potatoes and pork every day... and the bins, she knows when to buy them and what to do with them... and she doesn't just put up with my shit... NOooo... she calls me out... challenges me on it... if I am being particularly thick she lets me know it... and I appreciate it... even if she harshes on me... I just figure if it got to a point where she needed to harsh on me I must be over the top... Funny that... she can even get me to drive to North Dakota... North Central North Dakota to be exact... Things couldn't have turned out better... Every once in a while I imagine some ex of mine reading this, stalking me... and I just have to say to them... you didn't stack up... for real... I guess all I am trying to say is that I lucked out... seriously, really seriously... I don't know how I did it, how I was able to impress her, trick her, whatever... the one single most significant accomplishment in my life is getting her to be with me... AHHH, so mushy... *** Not to totally detract from the love above... I feel like I have a third eye growing out the tip of my nose... I haven't got the nerve to go and look in the mirror... would hate to discover it to be true and be picking and fretting about it all day... Aaarrghghg... I looked... I am like a rhino... or one of those bumps you see on trees all full of sap... I'm hideous... gonna put my hoodie on and pull the strings tight like a sphincter (ala Steven Jesse Bernstein)... Posted 3/7/2006 at 1:16 PM |
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Monday March 6, 2006
Ohhhkaayyyyyyyyyy... Check it out... I am operating on my last frayed nerve today... Seems to be about 8 things all gnawing on my spine right now... 1) That scene in Crash where you think the little mexican girl got shot by the crazy Persian dude coupled with little Jessica doing a faceplant at the coffee shop/cupcake place (delicious btw) keeps rolling through my mind... damn... 2) Had this dream last night, now dig this... I walk into this room and there is some sort of contest going on... there are like 4 chicks all lined up behind this wall kinda thing so you can't see their faces, just their breasts... the contest seems to be to guess whos boobs they are... I was all like, WTF... then I get up there a bit closer and find my old lady behind the wall as one of the contestants... and everyone is able to guess that they are her boobs... and they are like scoring their guess on these cards and I see her name all over the place and I am like, Hey... dammit... and I ask her what is going on and she tells me to chill out... it ain't no big deal... I am confused and I wake up... 3) I feel poorly... really had to force myself to leave the house this morning, then had to force myself to wait for the bus... kept thinking about going back home... then had to force myself to stay on the bus and not get off and walk back home... still thinking of ways to escape... 4) Had this other dream... now this is freaky... there were 2 doorways, right next to each other, the one on the left was cursed, posessed, evil, you know the drill... the other one wasn't... So I go into the room on the left and it is kinda freaky, and I am waiting for something to happen, then it happens, these like colorful kids type animals come out of the walls and stuff, I am talking like telletubby big old fluffy and colorful and evil... they come out and despite myself I am frightened... so I leave... I am all like, what the hell are they going to do to me, really... bump into me... ooohh, scary... but I leave... So I go outside and help to distill some liquor or something... some italian dude that didn't know what he was doing was there so I took over and we start filling these old bottles (ketchup bottles, catsup bottles, tapatio bottles, coke bottles, you name it) with something probably like Rum... so we fill them all up and go into the room on the right and start stacking them on these shelves... I was thinking how funny it was that the room right next door, on the other side of this wall, was evil, but this room I was in was safe... nice... so we stack this booze and I sneak some of it and go back outside, I turn back around and see these evil creatures float out from the room on the left into the open door of the room on the right... I was all like, Holy Shit!!! This completely tripped me out... I woke up all freaked... 5) I gotta carry this heavy ass laptop home... don't have to do it today, could do it tomorrow or the next day... doesn't really matter though, I am looking at it and it is big and heavy and I will have to carry it along with my backpack down the road and onto the bus and then down the road again and home... 6) This chick called in sick, she is the closer, we get an email saying we need someone to stay and close tonight... I can't... everyone else says they can't but someone has too... so everyone is like on the edge of their chairs waiting for the tap on the back from the boss that will force them too.. I can't but I still feel the vibes... 7) Damn emails not going where they are supposed to... like 10 people emailed me (well, 3) to let me know they didn't get this one, or this one, or this one... and I can't find an issue, nothing wrong... I send them back in and they go just fine... Hopefully they will just let it go at that... but dollars to donuts someone is going to say "But WHY???" or "I don't understand, how come they work now but they didn't work then?" and I will have to be smooth or something... 8) OK, 3 cups of coffee... some "Pain aid" which includes acetaminophen, aspirin, salicylamide (don't ask) and caffeine... haven't eaten since the snacks at the Oscar Party last night... uhh... oh, up at 3:55am (before the alarm, I was awake)... I'm cold... WOW, how about that... there actually were 8 things gnawing on my last frayed nerve... Now, I am just making conversation here, not looking for a handout or a handup... just talkin you see... Posted 3/6/2006 at 2:29 PM |
Friday March 3, 2006
Damn... I have decided to subdue my headache with mass quantities of Caffeine and formula 50... and then stabbing my neighbors... and then the monkeys, screaming and unhappy for having been shoved up my ass for so long... they will play a part in this... watch for it on the news... the president is aware... I briefed him... although he will deny it to the end... bastard. Posted 3/3/2006 at 11:4 AM |
Thursday March 2, 2006
Seems like I am forgetting something... Not sure what it could be... the week has flown by and it just kinda feels like I am missing something... Hmmnn... My lovely wifes birthday? Nope, I am fully aware of that date hurtling towards me... uhh, something about work? No, I seem to be on top of that... Damn! WTF is it... lets see if it comes to me... So my buddy from Toronto is coming into town in a couple weeks. He is gonna be fasting for the week before he shows up, he is Hindu... Strange thing... he is from Trinidad... which I thought was way over towards India or Africa or something... 'cause he's Hindu yo... but in all actuallity Trinidad is down in South America... I've told him he was practically Mexican or something... and I was all like, how the hell do a bunch of Hindu's end up in South America??? Seems that Trinidad is litterally busting at the seems with them... he told me something about sugar plantations or something... it still makes me wonder... So the dude is fasting, which means no meat, no alchohol, no sex and whatever else is involved... when he comes into town it always seems to be right after he has been fasting, probably on purpose... he warns me a couple weeks in advance so we can arrange to hang out one night... so time before last he was all like, Hey, lets go drink some scotch... now I am not really a scotch man, its ok, but eh... anyhow I was thinking, sure, have a scotch, so I take him to this bar in Georgetown and buy him a scotch, and myself one, and a pabst to chase it down... I figured that would do me... drink it down, get up and go to the bathroom, come back and there are a couple more double scotch on the rocks... he tells me to drink up as he has paid for a couple more and the bartender will bring them over when we are done... I was all like SHIT!!! So I drink it down, the next one comes and I figure I will nurse it, was looking for a plant to pour it in, something... Before I finish I get up and go to the can again... come back and THERE IS ANOTHER ONE SITTING THERE... I was all like "oh shit"... Luckily my brother and his friend showed up and I was able to pass it off... I hit the point where there was no need to be macho anymore... no need to power it down... just pass it off, just stop drinking... I.. I.. uhh... yeah... So he was jumped on IM the other day and was all like "hey, what you doin?" and I was all like, "just thinkin' of you, hold on a second and let me pull my pants back up" and he was all like, "Dude, my wife is reading this" so I tells him, I says "well, now she will know why you always come home walking funny" heheh... then I probably said something about treating him like a woman while he takes it like a man or something... Funny, he was off line for a while after that... I think I may have thrown him and his wife into a frenzy of passion... that happens a lot around me, for some reason... people get all aroused and stuff... probably get a whiff of my musk and they need to get to rootin... I'm like Pan or something... Anyhow... you know what I love.... YUMM!!! Posted 3/2/2006 at 1:8 PM |
Wednesday March 1, 2006
Ok, gonna accentuate this story a little bit... make it a bit more dramatic... So I got home last night, and as is my want I started stripping off my clothes... not all of them, mind you... I save that for when the lights go down, if you know what I mean... in case you don't let me just say, I would suggest that if you have me over you have the room well lit... otherwise the mood lighting may trigger some automatic stripping reflex and pretty soon my danglies will be resting comfortably on your nice couch... Anyhow, I got home and took off my shoes and socks... Now, a ways back me and my old lady had gotten into it about this... seems that I was leaving my socks laying around ALL over the place... and apparently this was getting on her last nerve... Seriously, it was driving her INSANE... seems like she puts up with a lot of crap from me, but some things just won't be stood... and dirty socks laying all over the f'in place is one of those things... So she ripped me a new one and offered to shove these socks up my "big brown star" if I didn't stop leaving them ALL over the place... she didn't really mean it... but she did take to moving them to some other location... now the place they should go (and I know this) would be the dirty clothes hamper... which was about 5 feet from where she decided to put them... I started noticing them laying in this special new place, 5 feet from the hamper, and came this close to putting her in her place... But being the rightous guy I am I let it slide... maybe she was right... I gave her the benefit of the doubt... But then she started turning our chirren against me... they became viscious little animals... clawing at me and stealing ALL my stuff and putting it in this place... started taking anything I set down, even for a moment and putting it here... coffee cups, shoes, socks, coats, dinner, beer... you name it... anything I didn't nail down would disappear in a howl and a streak... Oh, and the taunting... they didn't hide what they were doing, they actually started taunting me... whooping and howling like some sort of little witches or bats or something... Hell, my head would start spinning the moment they came into the room... But I stood my ground... I am the kind of my castle, after all... If I wanted to leave my socks in the living room (damn, it was just for a second) I was gonna leave my f'in socks in the living room... I work HARD all day, dammit... give me a break... how about some love and compassion when I get home... where's my pipe and slippers and frosty cold martini... where is my respect... and that is where we are at... ACTUALLY... There was a time, my old lady told me she did not like me leaving my socks in the living room. I try to remember, but occasionally they would disappear from the living room and end up in my shower... 5 feet from the laundry basket, for real... but I get it... its always a treat to find them there in the morning... And now the girls have taken to putting crap in there also... Yesterday I was removing my socks and had them all balled up and was going to put them in the laundry when Fiona was all like, "hey, I will take those for you." and she took them away... and I found them in the shower this morning... she is so cute... she was probably busting to have me find them... ahhh....... Posted 3/1/2006 at 10:58 AM |
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