BigChiefBanos

Champagne, when frosty cold and poured into a glass, forms tiny little bubbles. The bubbles rise to the surface and don't so much explode but sprinkle your face with little wet kisses if you hold the glass close. Sexy little sweet bubbles of love, letting you know the Champagne really cares.
I tried to remember this as I sank back in the hot tub. Tried to imagine that I was a sugar cube dropped into a glass of the finest Champagne that money has to offer. Down, down, down, I am melting...
But the bubbles roiling up around me, spattering my face and oozing into my eyes made me feel like the star of some cheap underground bukkake. I was not feeling sugar sweet, I was feeling cheap and dirty. This was not relaxing, this was not fun.
I sat up and glanced towards the house. I could see my manservant Hans standing in the doorway. His name wasn't really Hans, his name was Miquel. He was some sort of little gay Spanish boy and I liked to call him Han Manshaft just to piss him off. He stood in the doorway smirking at me, like he could sense what I had been thinking. I tried to stare him down but he was a cocky little Spaniard. He was on the verge of spouting off about something, so I cut him off:
"Hans! Bring me some Champagne, dammit."
He stood with his arms crossed, "You know we ain't got no Champagne. Ain't had no Champagne in a long time."
Sigh. I knew he was right. Seems like this has happened before... bubbles, bukkake, bullshit... sigh...
"Well, bring me what we got, then. I'm not paying you to stand around."
He smirked at me again. I know what he was thinking. He was thinking I was paying him to hang out and be my boy toy. He likes to bring this up when company comes over. He is quite wrong. I kept him around as a distraction. A distraction for the dogs. When the time came I would throw him to the hounds. He didn't have much meat on his bones, but he would be easy pickins' and I figured it would buy me a few seconds while they ripped him to shreds.
Sometimes, late at night, I felt bad about this. Most of the time I didn't. Its not like I hadn't told him that I was going to do this, that his destiny was to fill the bellies of the hell hounds. That one day he would coat the souls of someone’s shoes...
I sank back into the tub to wait. I knew I had a while.
Straight ahead in my line of sight was the women’s prison. They were my only real neighbors. That is why I was here. The land was cheap and it was as close as I could get to her. SHE was in there. SHE lay in a bunk with a pillow that held one head. Alone...
Her pillow and my pillow, it used to be the same. We used to lay close, share the pillow, share the bed, share the room. It was OURS... hers, mine, ours...

<Edit> Spelling corrected. Everything left is spelled as I meant it to be </edit>

***************************
OK, I gotta say, dammit... I go walking into the bathroom, part the curtains and turn the corner... and there is a naked man... his back was to me luckily... but it is kinda disconcerting to go walking into the bathroom at work and see a naked dude... but then I thought, you know, I should start using the womens bathroom... maybe there are some naked chicks in there... that might not be so bad... oh, and no bugers on the walls... lucky....

Sorry, folks... but the coffee has kicked in now... got that warm, lovey feeling...

Happiness and sunbeams and cute little puppy dogs
These are the things that I've seen with my heart
Life is a happy game if you don't forget to smile
But every now and then, your face, it harbors a frown.

Sadness is a barnacle clinging to your bright boat
You won't let it sink your spirits if you'll only learn to float.
We are all sea captains, sailing on life's rough seas
Come on you Magellan's, come with me
I've got Pie;
Happiness Pie.

I guess you want to know what's in this pie.
Well, there's two cups love, a cup and a half of understanding
A tablespoon of good old-fashioned compassion
Sugar to taste, and you know what..
The ovens are our hearts.

Happiness Pie.

See the sad man in the corner, he is gross and he is old
People steal his shoes and make him eat mold
His life won't be bad if he does what he is told.
He should be an alchemist, and turn his pain into gold.
Golden Pie.

Happy tailors, happy workers, happy farmers, happy girls, happy widowers, happy free-lance artists, happy welders, happy world happy drinkers, happy thinkers, happy musicians, happy beauticians, happy mayors, happy pears, happy call girls, happy hula boys.

Happiness Pie Happiness Pie Happiness Pie

Ooohh... I hit that groove today... sitting on the bus, reading my book, with all the usual suspects, when the realization hits that this is the same day as it was yesterday, and the day before, and the day before...
Sometimes people will ask me, they say "So, what have you been up to?"
And I just kinda stare at them, partly because I don't know why they are asking, but mostly because I hate the answer I always give...
"Oh," I say, "Nothing. Same old shit, you know. Get up, go to work, go home, go to bed."
They usually reply with a "Yeah, me too.".
But who's fault is that? I got a good job, bring home the bacon, you know... I can't say that I have been actively forging my destiny outside of work... No-one is glueing my ass to the couch, dammitt. It just seems sometimes that I am waiting for the stars to align, for that special sumthin-sumthin to happen to start the wheel of fate to turning... O' Fortuna...

Anywho... my boy Shannon Hoon has this to say about it:

I don't feel the suns comin' out today
It's staying in, it's gonna find another way.
As I sit here in this misery,
I don't think I'll ever (no Lord) see the sun from here.
And oh as I fade away,
They'll all look at me and say, and they'll say,
"Hey look at him! I'll never live that way."
But that's okay, they're just afraid to change.
And when you feel life ain't worth living
You've got to stand up and
Take a look around you look up way to the sky.
And when your deepest thoughts are broken,
Keep on dreaming boy, cause when you stop dreamin' it's time to die.
And as we all play parts of tomorrow,
some ways we'll work and other ways we'll play.
But I know we can't all stay here forever,
So I want to write my words on the face of today.
And then they'll paint it
And oh as I fade away,
They'll all look at me and say, they'll say,
"Hey look at him and where he is these days."
When life is hard, you have to change.

P.S. There is an orange on my desk. It has passed back and forth between WCG and I and is getting to be quite decorated... but it is staring at me now, and that ain't right... I may have to stick it where the sun don't shine, which may be painful for someone, but not me, cause you know the sun shines out of my behind...

Goddammittt...
I am about to break out the Red Bull...
Been sitting here, trying to think, trying to focus on either writing something up or getting some work done. Noone seems to be doing anything around here... all sorts of chatting and shit. Constant clatter behind my back.
I can rarely join in as I barely watch any adult television, or at least any reality shows... plus there appears to be some sort of whispering going on...
I am starting to go nuts having people trying to talk to me... I tried to nod and smile but they often expect some sort of interaction or something... Whats up with that!!!
I got nothing, people... I seem to be suffering from a combination of the loss of the ability to communicate, with too many years of customer service and not enough caffeine...
<UPDATE>
OK, so it looks like the caffeine to blood ratio was WAY too low. Just had a rapid infusion of espresso and everything is fine again.... how about that.
So, Quick topic change...
It appears they are going to remake Wonder Woman... but haven't decided on who should play Wonder Woman. I figure it should be Lauren Jackson from the Seattle Storm... or Lucy Lawless... Can think of anyone else... Any thoughts...

Hey, check this out... I figured there might be a few people interested in this, not only because it is on a site called "what would Tyler Durden do" but because they involve my girl Christina Ricci...

Rowr...

And in support of his Noodly Goodness...
RAMEN
http://noodleson.com/
http://mattfischer.com/ramen/