BigChiefBanos

All Lovey Dovey
(Note that I do not use the word "Booty" at all)

Have I mentioned lately how much I admire my wife?
She rocks... Like KIX:
Come on start a fire
In my electric chair
Baby cross my wires
Light up my hair
Overload my circuits
Let me feel the juice
Make me an offer
That I can't refuse
But seriously, she really is an Angel and I feel a little sheepish most of the time, like I tricked her into being with me or something. I am not saying she is out of my league, 'cause I'm a playa, yo... but damn...
1) She got the musical talent. Really, she won't admit it, but she does. Sometimes she practices on her piano with her earphones on and all you can here is this tap-tap-tap of the keys like some sort of machine gun going off... I just stare (except when I am trying to watch Good Eats on the TV then I am all like WTF, which is another example of how she rocks and I don't rock as much)
2) She can cook up a mean meal. She actually PLANS meals, like buys food ahead of time and looks at cook books and the like. She uses stuff other than potatoes and sausage... in fact, she has been known to cook complete meals without ANY pork... for rizzle...
3) She makes the cutest babies. Luckily the kids got her FOXXY genes and my eye color... I could go so far to say that my contribution is not much more than the shading that enhances the finer details... PLUS they seem to have gotten her musical talent... Jessica can sing and Fiona can play... WOW...
4) She answers the Phone... I don't... I typically don't even bother looking at the caller ID to determine whether or not to answer, I just don't answer... Paula will run from the other room and grab the phone while I am sitting right next to it... and she only sometimes gives me the stink eye over the whole deal...
5) One of the things I really really admire about her is that she strives to be better. She really contemplates things, tries things, studies and talks to people about things. She has a drive or desire that I haven't been able to really put my finger on, but she really gets deep into things. I think she has a question that she is trying to discover, and until she finds it she is going to keep trying to find an answer. It really is amazing (except for the Ayn Rand episode). I have a tendency to just accept things, don't feel a need to question them so much... and I do consider this a shortcoming of sorts... but that may just be in comparison...
SO, what the hell am I going on about? Well, I am trying to distinguish my REAL life from my WORK life... and it seems that my work life is cutting into my REAL life way too much... and as I sit here and think about it I can see then end of the tunnel, that bright shiny light that keeps me moving forward and it fills me and it makes me want... and at the same time, like if I were standing at the gates of heaven, waiting my turn, wondering if I am worthy enough to actually make it in or if I will be turned away with the shake of a head...
ACTUALLY, I don't really believe in the heaven thing, but if I am to continue with previous lines of reasoning that I have determined make me the only real sentient being created and just an experiment for some grand creator that I am trying hard not to participate in, so why does he send me an Angel and how should I act... This is getting WAY to complicated... but now that I think of it maybe that is the plan... Ahhh... it all makes sense now... she's no angel... She is the dEVIL... Evil with a capital D... HAAHAHAHAAA... you didn't think I would see through your plan, eh?
#*#*#*#*#*#*##*#*##*#*#*##*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#
Completely different Topic...
My Adult Film Star Names (you may have heard of me):
Trey Wafer
Loamy Shoals
Eric E. Strada
Corky Buttfinger
I will be doing an autograph session this afternoon in Georgetown at Jules Mae... Bring your favorite pron...

Peaks and Valleys
(no, this is not about sex)
(well, maybe just a little)
1) So the chick that ripped me a new one yesterday... I really do appreciate her existence. Can look back and laugh about it now...
2) Had this thought in my head that it would be GREAT to have sex in the underground parking here at work. Major echo going on and the sounds would be amplified and shake the building. Then I thought that might not be such a good idea. Sure, if you were really gettin your groove on it would rock, but then, imagine the worst sex you have ever had... I don't need to describe it to you, you can remember... now imagine that amplified and echoing back to you... not so sexy now, eh... Not sure that I would risk it.
3) Karaoke songs I would love to bust out but probably couldn't pull off:
a) Shitlist by L7
b) Hand in Glove by Morrissey (well, could probably pull that one off)
c) Jet Ski Accidents by the Blow
4) Chick at work wrote on her blog about this "Goddamn Bird" makin noise outside her window and how she tried to squirt it with her sons’ squirt gun. It makes me so sad. I keep thinking about sitting here at work, just doin my thing and having someone come up and start screaming at me and throwin shit and trying to drown me because they don't appreciate my special groove. I'm all just sittin here and suddenly someone is all like, "I hate you!" and "Die!!! Why don't you just DIE!!!" and stuff... Dang...
5) I was talkin to this dude yesterday, or maybe it was a chick, don't remember, and this person kept checkin out my package. Caught them several times (who the hell was that) and I was all thinkin "why is everyone always checkin out my package?". All the time this happens, and when I realize it I am always too self conscious to do anything about it, and I don't want to make the person uncomfortable by, like, covering it up or something, then they would realize they were caught and would be embarrassed and I would be embarrassed for them...

Certain studies have shown that sleep deprivation (over time) can somehow equate to having a blood alcohol content level of .05 percent... Well, you know how I like to get my drink on, so let me ramble against my better judgement...
1) I have trouble poopin' in public restrooms. I could go on and on with this one, but I think I will stop there.
2) OK, so there is this transexual on my bus. Chick (now she is) is about 6'3" ish, 250lbs., bright pink press on nails, pendulous breasts resting on an ample belly, long bleached blond hair AND an adams apple (HELLO!!!). Chick is whacked out, yo!!! I almost touched her the other day, but instead yelled (internally) at her. She was sitting there across from me on the bus, eyes kept droopin' down. Her head would fall one way or the other and, from the look of it, her head must way like 1000lbs., as whichever way her head flopped the rest of her body followed. Which is not so bad if the person doing this just kinda rolls with it, ya know... but in this case she would get to about 45 degrees and then her head would snap up and there would be this huge look of disorientation. Now, that would only happen to me once, but this chick repeated this over and over and over... thus the internal monologue... I wanted to reach over and "SLAP"... today she was all disoriented, couldn't grab the cord to ring the bell, finally got up, tried to put on her helmet, stumbled off the bus... aaarrrghghgh
3) Dude on the bus looks like Erik Estradas' uncle, serious.
4) My nemesis on the bus smelled like hell today... if smell was a rainbow he would have been a big gay beacon... I still have a headache from it.
5) I KNEW it... a gay agenda ... ALSO, it turns out that they call women "beards" when they think the man in the relationship is gay... go figure.... heheh beard...
6) Went to the Mariners last night... Came out of it with the following:
a) Turns out that Jesus is a Mariners fan... apparently he couldn't make it to the game last night.
b) Dude came into the game with a Oakland A's flag and was waving it around whenever they did something good. Punks behind us kept throwing shit at him and he took it very good naturedly... some of the shit they were throwing missed him and hit this old bastard just down from him. HE did NOT take it too graciously, threw some nasty looks up past us. I think he caught me smiling, I hope he thinks I did it.
c) Apparently there was a hottie convention meeting at the game or something. Some fine looking fillies strutting around. I can appreciate that... The funny thing is, I look at these gals and always end up comparing them to Paula. Like if you compare some famous work of art with an art students attempt to copy it. You can kinda look and appreciate a little this or a little that, but can spot an obvious fake... I was all like, yeah, she is kinda cute, but Paula has a better this or that... Paula always ends up on top...
I better leave it there... was about to, and apparently am going to, go on about being on top... was going to say something about the a master artists' stroke (the painting analogy)...
Hey... Look, I stopped... I am so proud of myself...

Girls I Would Hold Hands With
(won't they be excited to find themselves on MY list!)

PRELUDE
Apparently people are waiting with baited breathe to see who makes it on my "Girls I Would Hold Hands With" list. Seems to be some sort of requirement or goal for me to accomplish before I can make it to the big leagues... Well, fine... I will do it... But let me preface the whole shebang (hehe) with what I would put above all...
If I could, I would travel back to the late 80's and hold hands with my wife while she was in High School... That would be HOT!!!

LUDE
So, dig the scene... Hot Hollywood night, big movie premier or awards show or the like. The carpet is red. Paparazzi are taking pictures with high intensity flashes to try and see through peoples clothes. The Stars are coming out. There, in the middle of crowd is, why, could it be??? Yes, it is ... But, who is that freak holdin' hands with them??? WTF... HAHA... It is ME...
So... who am I holding hands with???
1) Christina Ricci
2) Neko Case
3) Milla Jovovich - Ooohh, Milla
4) Kiera Knightly
5) Angelina Jolie - fearfully, gotta be cool man, ice cold!!!
6) Sandra Bullock
7) Alyson Hannigan
9) Carmen Elektra
10) Shakira - New CD, Fijacion Oral vol. 1, uh huh...
So there you go. Any of the ladies out there that feel left out, sorry 'bout that... Dammit, it's just a list... People can get bumped, the order changed.
I put WAY to much effort into this...

POSTLUDE
OK, so I am walking to the bus with my boy AJ yesterday (after work) and he says to me, he says:
"Hey, have you seen that new chick upstairs in OM?"
"I don't know."
He vaguely tries to describe her... then he says...
"You would probably like her, she looks kinda trashy... you know, not trashy like a flashy whore, but kinda, grungy or something..."
So it gets me thinking, what the hell is that supposed to mean? Have I somehow gained some sort of reputation for enjoying the look of "trashy" looking women?
So, tell me true, does this here list, up there, is it composed of a specific breed of lady that I am somehow not recognizing... Are all these gals trashy? Some of them, maybe... but is there a pattern... hhmmnnn...

Darling??? Are you sleeping? Good... as I have something to say that I do not think can face the light of day...
You see, there is this boy on my bus... A magnificent beast that I cannot keep out of my mind. I look at him and I see so many things. His look, he is a mélange of Jaba the hut, Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now and Sling Blade... a big, bald lump of a man, with a certain something about him that fascinates...
I don't know when I first noticed him, although I am sure he has been there all along, but my first memory of him is a magical one.
I was riding the bus and coming up on my stop. As is my want I reached for the cord to ring the bell and notify the driver that I was wanting to get off. Just as my fingertips reached the cord the bell rang. I was startled... and I looked around... and there he was. Like a mountain, so close I couldn't really make him all out. His new Levis were rolled up at the cuffs, his big puffy jacket bulged, his head shone in the early morning light and his headphones stuck out from his head like magnificent antlers. He walked past and I followed in wonder.
The next day I again reached for the cord, and again, just as I my fingertips brushed the cold cord the bell rang. Slowly I swung my head around and there he was. Again and again this scene played itself out. I could not reach the cord before the bell would ring. It was as if HE could sense my every desire.
I stopped reaching as I was not feeling fulfilled. The first time I didn't reach for the cord I watched him out of the corner of my eye... like Dian Fossey watching a silver back. He looked my way, slowly reaching for the cord, waiting... waiting...
Finally, at the last minute, he pulled the cord. He looked confused and I felt bad. I could see the hurt in his eyes as he looked at me. I was coy, looked away indifferently, but inside I was a volcano of emotions.
The next day I did it again... again he waited and waited until he pulled the cord, at the last minute. THIS scene played out for a few days, but then I hatched a plan. I had lulled him in, established a pattern... so the next day, again watching out of the corner of my eye, I saw him slowly reaching for the cord... Quick as a flash, YANK.. I reached up and pulled the cord... OH MY GOD... the pure emotion on his face. Confusion, delight, a kid in a candy store with a firecracker up his butt... it was... it was...
Taking advantage of his confusion I jumped up so as to be the first one off the bus. He scrambled... I worked it... Bus stopped, I jumped off and walked briskly for the corner, but I could sense him behind me... I never looked back...
We played this out a few times, alternately playing the hunter and the hunted... Finally, like a worn out lover, I gave up... stopped even trying... we were not committing and I could not continue...
So we slipped into a sort of comfortable complacence... both of us pretending the other did not matter...
BUT, then, one day as we were getting closer and closer to our stop and the bell had still not rang I looked over at him. He was sleeping, like a baby, curled up in his seat, softly mewing... I was torn. I reached up and yanked the cord. The bell rang, but HE did not stir. I stood up, and still he did not move. What should I do? Just get off the bus? Wake him? How could I wake him? What to do? I stood there, uncertain. Like a man in a dream I saw myself, moving, slowly, towards him. Hand outstretched, getting closer and closer. Seemingly without fear but trembling inside I slapped him on his shoulder then jumped back. He jumped, like a viscious terrier woken from a dream of bones. I turned and hustled for the door... I didn't know what to feel... I was all a tingle...
I could hear him rampaging behind me, gathering his stuff, huffing and puffing... I ran for the corner... the light was with me and I escaped accross the street...
A few days later it happened again. We got to our stop and he was asleep. Braver this time, I stood, swung my hand and hit him again. He woke up very quick and calm this time. Was he awake the whole time? Toying with me??? BASTARD!!!
HOW COULD HE TOY WITH ME IN THIS WAY? WAS I JUST A PLAY THING? DAMMIT!!!
I vowed never again!
Sure enough, a few days later he again was sleeping. "Fuck him!" I thought. I pulled the cord, got up and headed for the door. The bus stopped with a jolt. Although I didn't look back I knew he was awake as suddenly there was a tremendous snort, a flurry of activity and giant footsteps running down the aisle. I was suddenly unsure that I had done the right thing so I hustled for the corner. Please light, please light, turn green, come on... I had to stand there waiting for the signal to turn. He passed me like a gust of wind. I could feel the hair on the back of my neck standing tall. And then I was alone.
I feel that I betrayed him that day.
Often times I find myself sitting in the bench seat right next to the seat he is in. We are within 2 feet of each other. Electricity charges the air but I play it cool. Ice cold.
Then, one day, as I am sitting there, about halfway to work, I see him out of the corner of my eye. He leans forward, closer and closer. I see his hand come up as if to cover his mouth, but instead of forming a shield he formed a funnel, a mighty wind tunnel and lets loose with a mighty wind. I felt his hot breath wash over me, over and over like the Santa Ana's... I was immersed in it. Suddenly the heat passed... but... but... what is this? A small reminder had been left behind... A mighty, mighty musk, an ancient purfume... Hot and sticky he left his scent on me. And it stayed with me, all-day and late into the night. As I lay there next to you I could still smell it and I felt so bad... and excited... like I had somehow cheated on you and I was afraid you would smell him on me, but excited with the memory of it... When I close my eyes it takes me back. I can feel him and smell him on me, like a blanket...
My darling, this has been going on for at least a year now. I believe I have mentioned HIM to you, in passing, afraid of gushing on about him for fear you would be jealous... and even now, I do not know why I am telling you this. I am fearful of what you will think. But I love you and I felt you had to know... he really means nothing to me... and yet...

Before I get into holdin hands with the ladies, I thought I would relate the following:

Was checking out this star in the sky this morning, kinda south east, trying to figure out if it was mars or venus, when I saw a shooting star go flying by... These things always get me excited, get the butterflies inside. Just stared at where it had flown, and thought about the science behind it at first (meteorites hittting the atmosphere, blah, blah..) when I remembered I was supposed to make a wish.

My first thought was... damn, what to wish for, don't want to waste it (what do you wish for when you get a freebie like this... when you can wish for anything in the world and beyond... feel free to discuss), then I thought, well, shoot, if I do think of something to wish for do I need to say it out loud or can I just think it real hard... and if I only need to think it did I accidentally already wish for something while I was thinking of what to wish for...

Then I remembered that I am the only sentient being in the universe, sent here as an experiment by the creator (Ah Lady) to see what I would do in any certain situation, so I am constantly being exposed to experiences to see how I will react... Since this makes me pretty much omnipotent do to the fact that I can really do anything and say anything I want, I could actually just think my wish real hard and it would be fine. Not that I would get my wish, but the creator I probably pretty interested in what I have to say...

Of course, faced with this pseudo pressure and not wanting to play into someones plans I did NOTHING... I am sure there is some turmoil happening in the big boardroom in the sky right now... all the planners and advertising execs are trying to figure out what went wrong, the focus groups love the shooting star thing... it tested well in men 28-40... should it have been brighter??? maybe it should have crashed at my feet to make me question my mortality???

HAHHAAA... take that... I am NOT your puppet... dammit!

That gun will replace your tongue.
You will learn to speak through it.
And your poetry will be written in blood.

Ok, in kind of a mood at this point. Was ALL set to go off on a Iron Maiden/Samuel Taylor Coleridge/Rime of the Ancien Mariner kinda rave...

The silly buckets on the deck,
That had so long remained,
I dreamt that they were filled with dew ;
And when I awoke, it rained.

I mean, holy shit, part 5 conjures up the most fantastic horror in my mind... if you are too lazy to click the link, in a nutshell part 5 (part the fifth) goes into how he finally fell asleap after everyone has died and he is the only one left and suddenly it rains and all the dead suddenly step up and sail the ship back towards home... Damn!!! Hauntingly illustrated here

But then I got sidetracked... started following my muse and remembered William Blake... I decided I am a Tyger...

Then I was all like, hey, William Blake... Dead Man... whoa... gotta steal a little of that creativity... so I was gonna be Nobody (in a sense I guess..

...My name is Xamichee, he who talks loud say nothing. I preferred to be called Nobody.

...and then, and then... kinda lost my groove... cannot complete thouught... kids jumping on couch, obviouslyy tired, me too tired, bruch teeth, screaming...

Tomorrow, special feature... Famous girls I would hold hands with (kinda a twist on the top ten list, because I save the special love for my wife...) and won't they be thrilled to learn they made the list...

Holey-Moley, ain't I prolific today...

Check this out... I didn't know Napolean Dynamite was on Letterman.

Check this out... Talk about some killer moves...

Check THIS out... Same dude as the one above, David Elsewhere. Freakin mesmerizing...

And lastly, go here for a sweet version of Straight Outta Compton by some chick named Nina Gordon(or just click the link to download it).

Before I forget....

Check this out...

http://www.themonsterengine.com/art.html

Below we have The Blow, AKA Khaela Maricich. The first link below is one of my VERY FAVORITE songs in the world. She ROCKS!!!
Also included below is a link to KPUNK and a bunch of free mp3's.
If I haven't already turned you on to DNSS then you MUST download the following song and get turned on...

Fudgy the Whale

http://www.kpunk.com/mp3/TheBlow_JetSkiAccidents.mp3
http://www.kpunk.com/Audio_Video/index.html

Sooooooooo...
Bunch of layoffs at work today. I was not amongst the ranks of the layed. That seems like a nice way of puting it... I did not get screwed... I was not fucked... I didn't get the shaft...

I am trying to be empathetic, but then I can always go for some booty knockin'. Really now, though, it makes me want to have sex... but I digress... where was I? Oh, YES... (this is one sexy post)... lets be honest here... lot of the people let go were dead weight. I would have kicked them to the curb long ago. But others, well, they were ROCKIN' individuals. People I would like to party with and such.
After the news started tricklin' down I was talkin with the other Jeff and we had one of the people with management in their titles right behind us. I mentioned aloud that what we needed to do was trim some of the middle management fat. Said management type piped up and mentioned that he was no longer in the capacity to be considered middle management. So I says to him, I says "so what DO we need to do to get rid of you?". We laughed. Ahhh, good times...

So we have a company meeting of some sort tomorrow, probably to explain the NEW direction we are going, how we are going to be focusing our resources and how we have to do things leaner. Which typically means... nothing. The missing people will not be missed for long and they may even be replaced. Funny how things like that work...

Sooo, since I was so tramatized at work I came home and had a shot of Tequila... 'cause you know that your vices will either make everything better or at least take your mind off things for a while... Oh, whoa is me. Please mister Tequila sir, take my pain away...

Faces of Jeff... one of the million frightening things you sign up for when you associate with the Mayfields...